Friday, January 27, 2006

The Sunny Day Couple and Other Mysteries of the Coupled World

If I had to pick my favorite blog I've ever written, this would be it. I hope you like it as much as I do.

Just a few side notes: After reading Quirkyalone, I decided they weren't so much quirky as not believing in real, healthy relationships (I don't blame them, but I like to keep the dream alive.).


March 31, 2004

They say to write what you know. Well, if the countless hours of unqualified relationship counseling to everyone from parents to friends to complete strangers counts, then I have a great wealth of knowledge on this subject. Personal experience however - nada.

I wrote a paper once on how the world creates a construct for the single person that forces them to constantly feel the need to be in a relationship. I'm an English major so the basis of this paper was Bridget Jones's Diary. Basically, Bridget is bombarded by constant reminders of coupledom that even when she is alone she hears the voices saying, "So Bridget, how's the love life?" After writing that paper, I was excruciatingly aware of what I referred to as the "plight of the singleton." Lucky for people like me, a counter-movement is on the move called Quirkyalone which I encourage everyone to check out at But that's not the point of this entry. I don't know if it's just because I'm bored or because it's spring time and all the couples are out frolicking or because I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to be an old spinster cat lady, but I've been pondering the coupled world lately and I feel the need to comment.

Actually, what started my thoughts for this entry (despite the incredibly long intro) was the appearance of the Sunny Day Couple. These are the couples who, every time the sun comes out on a warm day (and we have a lot of them in Florida), flock to the grassy areas of campus and start laying on each other. Now, I don't necessarily mean that in a sexual or blatant PDA way (although those do exist in abundance around here). I just mean that in some form they are basking in both the literal sunshine of Florida and the figurative sunshine of their love, and it makes people like me who are normally perfectly content wish that they at least had a fond memory of something like that to look back on. Of course, the Singleton in me believes that they were simply put there to remind me of what I'm supposed to be striving for. But finally, I remember my cynical and more realistic side that arrives at the final conclusion: They won't last. Is it wrong that I bask in that fact? These two people who are putting their icky, gooey affection for each other out there for the world to see won't last longer than you can say, "Got milk?" (That one's for you, Val.) Don't get me wrong. I'm past the stage where I hate people who have found someone. (For the most part, at least.) When I hear that a friend has started dating someone, I hope and pray that it works out for them because I do think it's a great thing. I've finally learned that when someone says they're getting married the correct reply is not "Good luck," "Why?" or "Oh, really...." but it is "Congratulations." (Although, it's still not my first instinct in most cases.)

Now I find that even the cell phone companies are joining in the party. T-Mobile (remind me to cancel my service) now has a plan for couples to talk free. I'm sorry. I'm supposed to feel sorry for these people on TV who have someone who wants to talk to them so much that they have to take out a second mortgage to pay their phone bill? Nah, I don't think so. It's not "Hey, best friends talk free" or "Moms and daughters talk free" or "Practically married platonic couples talk free." No,'s couples who can't find anything better to do than argue about their phone bill talk free.

What? You are still with me? Wow. Well, I'll keep going then.

If there is one thing I've learned it's that if there is anything we're more obsessed with then being in relationships, it's being in bad relationships. Every other paper I read for my creative writing class is about a bad relationship, a failed relationship, a relationship that never happened, and so on. It's no wonder relationships don't work out. We love to be miserable. We love to look for something to be miserable about in our good relationships. If there's nothing wrong, we think that there must be something wrong or else something is wrong! I think the most compatible people never actually get together because there's not enough tension to make it necessary.

My final pondering of the coupled world (for today, at least) is hand holding. How does this work? No, I really need to know. Because it's been at least four years since I held hands with someone, and it felt comfortable. Everything since then has been that loose, awkward "I'm holding your hand but I'm not really too sure about it" stuff. I always find myself looking for ways to keep the hand holding exciting. Maybe I could lick their knuckles? Maybe I could do that trick where it looks and feels like I'm licking their knuckles, but I'm really just licking mine? Do you see the many dilemmas of the relationship virgin? I'm telling you. It never ends.

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